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In the Homeland
Sad Kev
At the moment, I am currently in my family's native land. 

It isn't my first time here, but I find that as I get older I can't stand being here. I think that I am truly Westernized. It's not like when I go on vacation because then I'm a tourist, and it's expected that I would know nothing about the territory. But being here is a whole 'nother game. It's more like I'm visiting family, and boredom is a constant part of my day. I look most forward to falling asleep and waking up late in the day because it means that I get to spend fewer hours conscience. My creature comforts lie in this laptop that has found internet access and my iPod. Two symbols of Western culture in my opinion.

Is it normal to feel so much distaste for your native country? I feel like a brat for hating it here. It's just that I'm bored out of my mind, I always feel out of the loop, and the living conditions haven't improved too much since last time. The amount of insects that roam around a house drive me up the wall. It's disgusting. Honestly, I try to be as ignorant as possible, but it's just too hard to keep it up all the time. I haven't been bitten too much, so the mosquitoes aren't much of an issue. It's more of the ants. I know that ants shouldn't bother me too much, but it's just so disgusting to see them all over the place like in my bed. And the rundown nature of certain rooms is gross as well. Damn, I just sound like a brat, but I really just want to go home. I feel nothing for this place. If that is not a sign of not belonging then I don't know what is. This does make me wonder how I'll do in Lithuania. I'd like to think that it'd be better there than here. First of all, I'd prefer to deal with the biting cold than this fucking humidity. Second of all, I'm more of a fan of Western culture than of my own island heritage (which is really sad). And I think the selling point is that I would get to enjoy it as a tourist. No family to speak of would be bothering me. Just me truly on my own.

I don't know how to enjoy myself here. I just want to go home.