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Sobering Experiences
StepSibs
zodgory
I'm going to be super frank and honest with my non audience. I'm really sad right now. It's almost bordering on depression. College is nice and all, but what the fuck was I thinking??? I haven't made many friends, and I fear that I won't for awhile. It's just frustrating to be in the midst of all these people, and I have failed to make a feeble connection at least. I really should have just stayed at home and gone to community college. I'm not ready for this!!! It's way overwhelming. And classes start tomorrow which is even more of a downer. I'm scared about keeping up my GPA. If I got a 2.7, then I lose my scholarship. The budget for my state hasn't been approved yet so there's another potential hazard. I pray, but my flesh is just filling me with dread. I've cried two nights out of the two nights that I've been in my dorm.

It's really just my fault. If I would just talk a bit more, then I could probably make more friends. It also doesn't help that I just live to watch movies. If I could just be a fucking film critic or write for IGN or something, then I could be happy, but that's a long way off. I just don't want to do anything. I love writing, but I just cannot get myself to concentrate. I'm the best procrastinater ever (which is horrible for college students). I should just hang with my cousins all year. They'll be real nice, and we love each other by default.

I just want a friend so badly. I want that fucking lifelong friend that you supposedly meet in college. Why is it so hard to meet that person??? I miss everything that I left behind, and it's just sinking in that I've fucking MOVED away from my home. I'm only going to be back for holidays, and I can't move back until I GRADUATE!!! Again, what the FUCK was I thinking???!! At least I have Jesus.

This whole blog may seem a bit grim and slightly suicidal, but it's not. I love my family too much to kill myself, and I don't believe that it's God's will for me to take my life. I just want to make that invaluable human connection. A boyfriend wouldn't hurt either. Don't most people meet the love of their life in college?? I know that I have an image of marrying a certain boy that I've been in the same school with since elementary, but it would be interesting to see what kind of males I can attract in college. I wouldn't mind finally going through the dating process. I've seriously never been kissed.

Well that's it for now. Sorry that it was sad and devoid of anger. That'll probably be next time when I complain about my professors. Goodbye for now.